Chapter 7

Introduction

Victim-survivors shared with the Board of Inquiry their experiences of sexual abuse when they were children at primary school in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s, as well as recollections of their childhood before and after their experiences of sexual abuse. Secondary victims and affected community members also shared their experiences and perspectives relevant to the work of the Board of Inquiry.

This Chapter brings together these accounts, consistent with the Board of Inquiry’s objective to establish an official public record of victim-survivors’ experiences of historical child sexual abuse. It explores how the sense of normality, safety and community many victim-survivors felt was shattered by the sexual abuse they recall experiencing at the hands of adults entrusted with their care. It describes some of the stories of sexual abuse shared by victim-survivors, their immediate reactions at the time and how these traumatic events affected their childhood. Longer-term impacts are described in Chapter 8, Enduring impacts of child sexual abuse.(opens in a new window)

The Board of Inquiry is not able to share all the experiences that were shared with it — sometimes because the relevant person shared the information confidentially, and at other times because the information was shared anonymously but could not be safely de-identified. In some cases, the information cannot be included in this report for legal or wellbeing reasons.

The Board of Inquiry has greatly valued all the experiences that were shared with it. Every story told to the Board of Inquiry has informed its work.

The Board of Inquiry shares the voices of victim-survivors, secondary victims and affected community members as part of the public record of experiences, but does not make any findings of fact in relation to these experiences. The Board of Inquiry has not examined or tested these experiences in order to make any findings; for example, it has not applied any legal tests that might be relevant to making findings in legal proceedings. These might include proof beyond reasonable doubt or proof on the balance of probabilities, the tests for criminal responsibility and civil liability, respectively.

Before the experience of sexual abuse

Many victim-survivors told the Board of Inquiry they had safe, happy and ordinary childhoods prior to their experiences of sexual abuse. This was reflected in their experiences at school, through their engagement with sport, and in the family setting. Other victim-survivors recalled some difficulties at school or in their home lives.

School

Many victim-survivors shared fond memories of their time at primary school and of their teachers.¹ Some remembered being enthusiastic about going to school prior to their experience of sexual abuse.²

One victim-survivor recalled:

Similarly, another victim-survivor shared that when he was at Beaumaris Primary School, ‘I was excited about going to school, I was a good student and I was reasonably bright’.⁴ The sibling of another victim-survivor shared that ‘[m]y brother … was a bright and energetic boy who was excited about going to school and learning and playing with his friends’.⁵ The Board of Inquiry heard from another victim-survivor that prior to his experience of sexual abuse he was ‘a normal student, very happy’, who ‘used to love going to school, used to love playing the sports at the school and really enjoyed most of the teachers there’.⁶

Another victim-survivor recounted:

Other people also fondly remembered particular teachers whom they liked and felt were caring and trustworthy.⁸ One victim-survivor recalled that his Year 5 and 6 teacher ‘was a great teacher … very dedicated ... I got on really well with her’.⁹ Another reflected that his Year 4 teacher ‘was an amazing teacher’ who showed care for him because she knew about his difficult family situation.¹⁰

One victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that his Prep teacher gave all her students a tin of paint at the end of year, which he thought was ‘amazing’.¹¹ He felt that his other teachers were ‘good all the way through’ his education.¹²

Some victim-survivors and individuals also reflected on aspects of school that they did not enjoy, separate to experiences of child sexual abuse. For example, some recollected teachers they did not like, whom they felt were not capable teachers or who mistreated students.¹³ Others commented on corporal punishment and different forms of discipline teachers used.

Others recalled observing inappropriate behaviour by teachers and felt that other children, teachers and parents must have known about the sexual abuse they experienced.

One individual told the Board of Inquiry that a fellow student had told him that he had been sexually abused by Wyatt.¹⁴ Another individual recalled ‘vivid memories’ of Wyatt sexually abusing another student.¹⁵ Similarly, another individual told the Board of Inquiry that he had noticed Darrell Ray ‘acting inappropriately toward other boys’ by sitting them on his knee and ‘rubbing their tummies under their shirts’ in front of others.¹⁶ Yet another individual recounted an incident where David MacGregor allegedly deliberately showed his penis, through his loose shorts, to a group of students.¹⁷

A number of victim-survivors changed schools during their primary school years, and this was often accompanied by a period of adjustment; for example, when they did not have friends at school and experienced feelings of loneliness.¹⁸ Other victim-survivors experienced different forms of isolation or bullying at school before the sexual abuse.¹⁹

Victim-survivors also told the Board of Inquiry about the gender dynamics among the staff at Beaumaris Primary School. One victim-survivor commented that there was a ‘gender divide’ between the teachers and that there were some male teachers you stayed away from.²⁰ Another victim-survivor reflected that, although the teachers were predominantly women, some of the male teachers were ‘inseparable’,²¹ whilst another said it was like there was a ‘cabal of these blokes’.²²

Among these recollections of what school was like at the time, some individuals reflected on the disappearance of eight-year-old Eloise Worledge in 1976, from her home in Beaumaris. One victim-survivor said there was a ‘heightened police presence’; another recalled that Eloise’s disappearance ‘impacted all of us’.²³

Sports

Participating in sports was an important feature of some victim-survivors’ childhoods. It is a relevant feature of the experiences shared with the Board of Inquiry because for many victim-survivors, their story of sexual abuse is connected to sport in some way.

Victim-survivors told the Board of Inquiry that they had played a range of sports at school. One victim-survivor explained that he had played ‘[c]ricket, for the school football team, volleyball. Pretty much anything that was available’.²⁴

The friend of a victim-survivor recalled that he and his friend would spend a lot of time together playing sport.²⁵ Many children played sports for a number of different clubs, including the St Kilda Little League.

The Board of Inquiry heard that playing sports helped many children to make friends and fit in with other children.²⁶ One individual explained that their school ‘was a really sporty school and [they] fitted in with that’.²⁷ Another person told the Board of Inquiry that there was status associated with being a talented athlete or being in the top grades of a sport.²⁸ Others recalled that they had been good at different sports as children. The sibling of a deceased victim-survivor recalled that their brother had been an ‘elite junior athlete’ who succeeded in multiple sports.²⁹

For other victim-survivors, sport was not a prominent feature of their childhood. A victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that he had disliked sport growing up. ³⁰ He reflected that it was uncommon ‘as a young boy growing up in Melbourne in the 1970s’ to not be interested in cricket or football.³¹ Similarly, one victim-survivor recalled that he had made a ‘failed attempt at being a “normal” kid’ by going to football practice with other children.³²

Family

Many victim-survivors reflected on their families and community. Some victim-survivors told the Board of Inquiry that their families were generally tight-knit, secure and loving.³³ One victim-survivor recollected that they had positive childhood memories.³⁴ Because it was the ‘baby boomer’ era, there were ‘lots of kids around’.³⁵ Other victim-survivors had more difficult family lives; for example, due to illness within the family.³⁶ Some victim-survivors with challenges at home felt they had been singled out for sexual abuse because they were vulnerable due to their family situation.³⁷

Some people sharing their experiences with the Board of Inquiry clearly remembered the dominant social and cultural values of the time, as discussed earlier in this Part, in Chapter 6, Time and place(opens in a new window). Some recalled that their parents adopted ‘very stereotypical gender roles’,³⁸ and that their fathers typically worked while their mothers raised them and their siblings. One victim-survivor shared that her family had ‘really high’ morals,³⁹ while others recalled that their parents had a limited view of children’s rights. As one victim-survivor explained:

This sentiment was echoed by another victim-survivor, who explained that society ‘had a standard back then — a child should be seen but not heard’.⁴¹

Initial impressions and interactions with alleged perpetrators

The Board of Inquiry heard from many people about their interactions with and observations of alleged perpetrators during the 1960s and 1970s. This includes their memories of how they came to know the alleged perpetrator and their impressions of them.

Some victim-survivors remembered initially admiring the alleged perpetrator, seeking their approval and enjoying the special attention they were afforded before their experience of sexual abuse.⁴² For some of these victim-survivors, the violation of trust by a person they believed to be a safe and caring adult was particularly disorienting and confusing.⁴³

Not all victim-survivors formed positive impressions of alleged perpetrators. Some recalled being wary of alleged perpetrators and feeling uncomfortable and unsafe in their presence.⁴⁴ This was particularly the case when alleged perpetrators adopted an authoritarian approach and instilled fear in children through punishment, threats and violence.⁴⁵

Alleged perpetrators building trust and connections with children and their families

Some victim-survivors recalled how alleged perpetrators ingratiated themselves with students and disarmed their families. Alleged perpetrators often achieved this by offering victim-survivors special privileges, such as trips away, or by facilitating coveted opportunities in sport or other extracurricular activities. This favourable treatment frequently created opportunities for alleged perpetrators to be alone with children.

Victim-survivors told the Board of Inquiry that alleged perpetrators often singled them out in a way that made them feel special. One individual shared that ‘often during lunchtime Graham Steele would have a group of the “sporty” boys in his classroom with whom he would chat and joke’.⁴⁶ Some students noticed how differently Mr Steele treated these boys and one observed that ‘ironically [they] wanted to be a part of this’.⁴⁷

One victim-survivor recalled that ‘[Mr Steele] would take some of us out to St Kilda football ground — we regarded ourselves as a bit special because of that’.⁴⁸ Multiple victim-survivors detailed times that Mr Steele took groups of boys on trips away to his family holiday house, a setting where victim-survivors remember sexual abuse occurring.⁴⁹

Teachers were often the gateway to opportunities that were desired by students. One victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that he was happy to be in Mr Steele’s class as ‘he was the sport teacher and it seemed like the best opportunity to get access to coaching and the school sports teams’.⁵⁰

Some alleged perpetrators appeared to structure their personal and professional lives around activities with children and went beyond what some in the school community expected from a teacher at the time, by spending additional time with students outside of school, often in the context of sport or other extracurricular activities.⁵¹

This was evident in recollections of Wyatt’s interactions with children. One victim-survivor recalled that Wyatt had coached children in a local sports club and appeared to pass a lot of time with children in the community.⁵² Others recalled that Wyatt had played sport with a student on the weekends, taken boys to sport after school and tutored students outside of school.⁵³

Others similarly recalled that Mr Ray had also coached children in local sports clubs and transported them to and from games.⁵⁴ One victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that ‘[i]t was every kid’s dream to be in those teams’.⁵⁵

While this dedication to students was often viewed positively, a number of students and their parents found some of the alleged perpetrators’ behaviour unusual, and recalled breaches of professional boundaries that struck them as strange at the time. For example, several people recalled that Mr MacGregor spent time with children at his house. One remembered that Mr MacGregor ‘took the whole class to his family house … for the end of school party’.⁵⁶ They told the Board of Inquiry that they ‘felt it was very strange that he took some [students] inside to show [them] his bedroom’.⁵⁷

Alleged perpetrators instilling fear and discomfort in children

While some victim-survivors recalled alleged perpetrators using charm and incentives to disarm students and their families, others remembered their use of threats and violence to achieve control and compliance. As a result, some victim-survivors recalled feeling fearful in the presence of certain alleged perpetrators. Others quickly developed a ‘bad feeling’ about alleged perpetrators who made them feel uncomfortable.

Some people described Mr MacGregor as a ‘weirdo’, ‘creepy’ or ‘inappropriate’.⁵⁸ Other alleged perpetrators were described as ‘imposing’, ‘authoritarian’, ‘volatile’, ‘explosive’ and ‘cruel’.⁵⁹ One individual felt that Wyatt ‘perhaps [took] some pleasure in the fear he could generate by threatening to use his strap’ on children.⁶⁰ A victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that Wyatt ‘had a reputation for corporal punishment’ and ‘would kick boys hard, like a horse would’, in a ‘very striking, very violent’ manner.⁶¹

Another victim-survivor recalled that Mr Steele struck him and other students with a large ruler. He felt that Mr Steele’s use of corporal punishment was how the sexual abuse started. He also detailed how Mr Steele repeatedly reminded him that his mother was unwell, which he understood to be intimidation designed to make him feel isolated.⁶²

One victim-survivor described being taken by Mr Steele to an abattoir and forced to watch the slaughter of animals with three other students. The victim-survivor characterised the experience as ‘terrifying and traumatic’, and felt it was an implied threat of what would happen to the students if they disobeyed him.⁶³

When a perpetrator of sexual abuse instils fear in a child, it makes them afraid to report the sexual abuse to other adults.

Recollections of sexual abuse

Most of the victim-survivors who shared their stories with the Board of Inquiry were, at the time of their experience of sexual abuse, aged between nine and 12 and were in Years 4 to 6. While the majority of victim-survivors who shared their experiences were men, a small number were women. In making this observation, the Board of Inquiry recognises that there are likely to be experiences of sexual abuse falling within its Terms of Reference that were not shared. Further, some victim-survivors who provided information to the Board of Inquiry chose not to describe the details of the child sexual abuse they experienced. For this reason, the experiences described in this section should not be understood as comprehensive or representative.

The Board of Inquiry heard that sexual abuse often occurred when children were isolated from other students and adults.⁶⁴

Some of the sexual abuse described to the Board of Inquiry occurred on school premises — in the classroom or in other places at school.⁶⁵ One victim-survivor recalled being sexually abused at lunchtime while visiting the library to borrow a book he was interested in. He told the Board of Inquiry that the alleged perpetrator had guided him into his office in the library where he was not visible to others, pushed him against the desk and begun rubbing his shoulders, chest and genitals.⁶⁶

Sexual abuse also occurred in school settings beyond the premises, including on school camps and excursions.⁶⁷ A victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that he had been made to sit next to an alleged perpetrator on a bus journey to a school camp.⁶⁸ He remembered that the alleged perpetrator had ‘put a blanket over me and him’ and ‘just fondled me the whole trip’.⁶⁹

Other victim-survivors had experienced sexual abuse outside of the school environment in locations such as alleged perpetrators’ private residences or residences of their families, at music lessons and at sporting activities.⁷⁰

One victim-survivor shared that the ‘worst issues were in the football environment’, describing the incidents as ‘horrendous’ and ‘terrible’. He told the Board of Inquiry that boys had avoided showering after the games because, if they did, they would be ‘ogled or touched’.⁷¹

For some victim-survivors, the sexual abuse occurred once or a handful of times. For others, the sexual abuse was sustained over a lengthy period. One victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that the sexual abuse ‘wasn’t a one off, it was going on for years and years’.⁷² Another victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that the sexual abuse occurred for nearly two years and became worse over time.⁷³ For some victim-survivors, the sexual abuse involved more than one adult and sometimes other children.⁷⁴

Immediate reactions

Victim-survivors described their immediate feelings of shock, shame, guilt and confusion during and immediately after the sexual abuse.

One victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that he had been ‘stunned’ and quickly experienced ‘shame and confusion’.⁷⁵ He remembered that that the sexual abuse had ‘felt like [it lasted] hours, but was no doubt 20 to 30 seconds, maybe a minute or two’.⁷⁶ He recalled ‘wandering around feeling very weird, strange within [himself] in the days and weeks afterwards’.⁷⁷ Another victim-survivor described feeling scared, confused, ‘upset and hurting physically’ after he had been sexually abused.⁷⁸ Yet another victim-survivor recounted being ‘very scared and always running home from school then staying in my room, but never talking about it’.⁷⁹

A victim-survivor said he had felt anxious and fearful, and that he ‘didn’t know how to cope’ at the time of the sexual abuse.⁸⁰ He recalled dissociating after being sexually abused, which felt ‘like a dark cloud’.⁸¹ The sibling of a deceased victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that their brother had experienced terrible nightmares and difficulty sleeping around the time of the sexual abuse.⁸²

Another victim-survivor recalled immediate feelings of shame, blame and humiliation for the sexual abuse he experienced:

These feelings of shame were shared by others. For example, one victim-survivor recounted:

Another recalled that ‘[d]uring the incident, I was embarrassed. Immediately afterwards, I felt relieved it was over’.⁸⁵

Some victim-survivors felt confused and did not clearly recognise that what had happened to them was sexual abuse.⁸⁶ Undoubtedly, for many victim-survivors, this reaction was the product of not having been taught about sexual matters, let alone sexual abuse. Dr Rob Gordon OAM, Clinical Psychologist and trauma expert, reflected to the Board of Inquiry that children who do not have a clear understanding of sexuality ‘can feel incredibly confused about what is happening to them’ when they are sexually abused, and that this can result in feelings of guilt.⁸⁷

One victim-survivor, recounting how Mr Steele sexually abused him and other boys while drying them off after they took showers at Mr Steele’s family holiday house, recalled his feelings of confusion at the time. He explained: ‘we didn’t know how to say “This is wrong, what do we do about it? This isn’t right”’.⁸⁸

Another victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that he had felt that Mr Steele’s drying off of him and other boys after showers was strange.⁸⁹ He thought that it was unusual at the time, but he ‘didn’t see it as sexual abuse … I was probably 10 or something, so I didn’t know what sex was’.⁹⁰

Another victim-survivor had felt ‘quite uncomfortable’ after he was sexually abused, ‘but told [himself that the alleged perpetrator] was just being over friendly’.⁹¹ Yet another victim-survivor remembered that she had felt ‘uncomfortable’ and thought the alleged perpetrator was ‘creepy’.⁹² She commented that the sexual abuse had ‘changed my feelings about him as a teacher’.⁹³ Dr Gordon gave evidence to the Board of Inquiry that child sexual abuse that happens in the context of otherwise seemingly positive relationships with perpetrators can contribute to conflicting feelings for victim-survivors.⁹⁴

One victim-survivor shared that, alongside strong feelings of fear and anxiety, ‘being touched created feelings of excitement as well that are very hard to process’.⁹⁵ Dr Gordon described this as a ‘particularly destructive element of child sexual abuse’, in which ordinarily pleasurable sensations are experienced in ‘unpleasurable circumstances’.⁹⁶

Feelings of shame and guilt can act as a barrier to disclosure. Many victim-survivors who engaged with the Board of Inquiry did not disclose their experience of child sexual abuse until well into adulthood. Some victim-survivors told the Board of Inquiry that they had been fearful of disclosing at the time because they did not want to be embarrassed or receive attention, because they were unsure how adults would respond or if they would be believed, or because they felt like they had done something wrong.⁹⁷ Barriers to disclosure are explored in Chapter 12, Grooming and disclosure.(opens in a new window)

Impacts during childhood

The Board of Inquiry heard that, for some victim-survivors, their experience of sexual abuse has a significant impact on their primary school years. The effects included changes in their behaviour and engagement with schooling and sport, and strains on their relationships.⁹⁸ A number of victim-survivors reported impacts that continued into — or emerged in — adolescence and adulthood; these impacts are described in Chapter 8.

Behavioural changes, including reduced engagement with education and sport

The Board of Inquiry heard that many victim-survivors showed significant changes in their behaviour, including losing interest in school or sport, after the sexual abuse occurred. The Board of Inquiry heard evidence from Dr Gordon that sexual abuse can cause children to have difficulty focusing on school, disrupt their engagement with activities, and contribute to their distrust of teachers and other authority figures.⁹⁹

One victim-survivor spoke of going ‘off the rails’ after the sexual abuse.¹⁰⁰ Another victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that his behaviour at home and school had suddenly declined:

Another victim-survivor recalled that his behaviour had changed in that he became distrustful of other people and began ‘acting out’ by stealing from his father.¹⁰² Yet another victim-survivor recalled that due to the sexual abuse she told her parents that she no longer wished to participate in music lessons.¹⁰³

The Board of Inquiry heard that victim-survivors lost interest in or otherwise struggled with their education as a result of their experiences of sexual abuse. One victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that he had struggled academically in late primary school and that he had felt he was not very good in any of his subjects because of the sexual abuse.¹⁰⁴

Another victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that his school performance ‘fell off a cliff’, adding that his learning had slowed or effectively stopped after the sexual abuse.¹⁰⁵ Similarly, another victim-survivor recalled a psychologist recommending that he be held back a grade.¹⁰⁶ Yet another victim-survivor recalled that, despite being an ‘avid reader’ prior to his experience of sexual abuse, he did not return to the library to borrow books for the rest of his primary school years because he considered it unsafe.¹⁰⁷

Strains on relationships

Victim-survivors told the Board of Inquiry how their experience of sexual abuse affected their relationships with friends and family during their childhood.

For one victim-survivor, the impacts on his relationships at school were significant. He recalled that the alleged perpetrator suggested that he become friends with other boys who had either witnessed or experienced similar sexual abuse.¹⁰⁸ He did not understand why he was made to be friends with these boys, and recalled that, at the time, he had told his mum: ‘it is something I’ve been told to do’.¹⁰⁹ The victim-survivor also told the Board of Inquiry that, as a result of the sexual abuse, he had isolated himself from his existing school friends to protect them from being sexually abused.¹¹⁰

Another victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that the sexual abuse had ‘dealt my confidence a mortal blow’ and that ‘I was always looking for ways to retreat into the background’.¹¹¹

One secondary victim told the Board of Inquiry that their brother had begun displaying sexualised behaviours at a young age, including inappropriate touching of other boys’ genitals.¹¹²

Other victim-survivors spoke about the effect of the sexual abuse on their relationship with their parents. One victim-survivor told the Board of Inquiry that on a number of occasions, he had left the school grounds during the day to avoid interacting with the alleged perpetrator and to protect himself from further sexual abuse. He described how his parents, who did not know that he had been sexually abused, were ‘shocked’ at how he was acting.¹¹³ Another described the ‘devastating impact’ on his trust for adults and recollected how he had begun stealing from his parents.¹¹⁴